Archive for December, 2007

Merry Christmas from Tornado Alley!

We have an eventful three days ahead of us.  With all of our family living within walking distance, we are required by Familial Law to visit each and every one of them at least twice.  In the next three days.  Which is wonderful (honestly).  Our schedule for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day looks like this:

Christmas Eve

8:30 – 12 – I work (Boo.  Hiss.)

12:30 – Lunch at home with the Tornado and Anonymous Husband.

1 – 3:30 (fingers crossed) – The Tornado should be nestled all snug in her bed, while visions of Diego dance in her head.  Otherwise known as nap time.

4:00 (or earlier, if those crossed fingers don’t do what they’re meant to) – 7:30 – Christmas Eve with my side of the family at Casa Del Parents, during which time we will engorge ourselves on deep fried cheese sticks, chicken wings, shrimp rings (excluding those who will remain Anonymous and shellfish-free), and literally every other finger food you can think of.  Oooo…and my favourite Christmas savoury – bacon wrapped water chestnuts.  We’ll also do our gift exchange (yay, presents!).

Christmas Day

7:30 (again, fingers crossed) – 9:30ish – We’ll do our very first annual Tornado Alley Christmas morning (last year we were living with the Anonymous grandparents, waiting for our new house to be built).  We’ll open stockings and presents (!), have a light breakfast and get ready for the rest of the hectic day.

9:30ish – 1ish (toddler attitude-dependant) – This year we’re with AH’s family in the morning.  We’ll eat a traditional Irish fried breakfast (bacon, sausage, fried eggs, potato bread, black and white pudding, and clotted arteries in a pear tree) and our gift exchange with them (more presents!).

1:30 – 3:30ish – Naptime

4ish – 7:30 – Christmas dinner back with my family.  I can’t even express to you how excited I am for dinner.  I am literally vibrating right now at the thought of my mom’s stuffing and of gravy sandwiches.  Never heard of them?  Hmm…that’s weird.  Take a dinner roll, poke your finger almost all the way through, pour gravy in hole, consume.  And just try not to repeat.  I dare you.

Boxing Day

Oh, sometime in the afternoon – Christmas dinner with AH’s family.  This one I’m excited for because of dessert.  And second dessert.  And sometimes even third dessert.  Why bother with first course?

If I don’t come out of these next three days at least 15 pounds heavier, I’ve done something wrong.

And that will be us until the 28th, when Carly, Lucy and Eric come to visit and what else?  Exchange presents*!

So, from us here in Tornado Alley, have a very merry Christmas.  If that’s what you’re into.  If not, have a great few days anyway.

* Just for the record, I happen to be one of those people who quite honestly enjoys giving presents much, much more than receiving.  It’s my favourite.

** Also, just for the record.  Just because I like giving more than receiving doesn’t mean you have to take the presents back that you got for me.  Let’s not get crazy now.

New Quirks

Eirinn is a quirky kind of girl.  She has all kinds of them.  The usual toddler quirks like asking a ker-billion questions all in a row without waiting for an answer to any of them, or asking to get up, up, up then immediately asking to get down, down, down.  You know, the standards.

And in the past few weeks she’s started a few new things that can definitely be labelled “quirky”.  Anything that, when performed in front of a stranger, needs to be a) apologized for, or b) explained with eye-rolls, can be labelled as “quirky”.

New quirk #1 – “What’s that sound like?”

This one is certainly cute.  I don’t know where she got it from, but she wants to know what every little noise is.  It’s usually a truck, even if it isn’t.  If I don’t know what the sound was, I’ll say “I don’t know, what does it sound like?” and she’ll say “a truck” or “a digger truck”, because we live in an under-construction subdivision.

New quirk #2 – “…RIGHT NOW!”

This one?  Not so cute.  She has learned how to be demanding.  Not that she wasn’t demanding before, but now she knows how to verbalize it.  I don’t know who taught her this, but it isn’t funny.  “Have cookie, RIGHT NOW!”  “See Bugba, RIGHT NOW!” 

New quirk #3 – Two Ah-lankies

So she has these two fuzzy green blankets, two different ‘brands’.  First she liked the thin one best.  She carried this one around for about a year.  Then her and thin ah-lankie must have gotten into a fight or something because she didn’t like it anymore and she liked thick ah-lankie better.  Then thick ah-lankie was accidentally forgotten at Bugba’s house one night and thin ah-lankie had to act as a substitute.  She started calling thin ah-lankie “New Ah-lankie”, even though it was the older one.  Now she has to have both.  Everywhere she goes.  She drags both around like they were sewn to her palms.  Oh, and if you didn’t catch on, an ah-lankie is a blanket.

New quirk #4 – “I carry you?”

This means “Can you carry me?”, but she doesn’t have proper pronoun usage mastered yet.  That’s ok.  She’ll learn.


Because this:


This never happens.


At this rate she’ll be married at 12

Eirinn hit her terrible twos at about 15 months.  At that point she was moody and emotional and demanding and all together hard to deal with 75% of the time.  The other 25% of the time she was sweet and charming and cute; just enough so we didn’t sell her. 

This continued at a regular pace until a week or two ago.  Then, as normal toddler progression would have it, she jumped head first into that wonderfully un-terrible-twos stage known as the Three Year Old Questions and…More Questions Period.  Everything that comes out of her mouth is a question, but she hasn’t learned (or she chooses to forgo this half of the process) the ‘listening to the answer’ portion.  Instead she just asks either the same question again, or throws you for a loop and asks a completely unrelated question.

It goes something like this:

“Mommy, what doin’?”

“I’m ma…”

“What doin’?”


“What doin’?”


“Where Bossy?”

This is the part where my eyes roll back into their sockets, my brain begins a slow-leak out of my ears, and I collapse into a pile of rotting (and very confused) goo on the floor.  I mean, I would totally take a twenty minute long question and answer  question period over a twenty minute long temper tantrum (which has happened before) any day.  Hands down.  HOWEVER, they didn’t teach how to deal with this in Toddler Prep 101 and I have never really been known for my patience.  I’m not too bad, but when trying to field 15 questions in 15 seconds, I think anyone would explode just a teensy, tiny bit.

That’ll teach him

Eirinn got Tickle Me Elmo last year for Christmas.  The TMX version.  Have you seen this in action?  As a grown up, I think it’s pretty darn cool.  He laughs and shakes like the original, but he also throws himself to the ground, rolls around, slaps his hand on the floor, and is all-round hilarious.  Most people probably find him annoying, and admittedly after being “tickled” more than 3 times he can grate on my nerves, but I think he’s cute.

Eirinn has been afraid of him right from the start.  I can see how he would be a little overwhelming to someone less than 3 feet tall.  So, he’s never been played with all that much.  Until this weekend.

On her daddy-morning (we take turns sleeping in on the weekend – I highly recommend this become an immediate deal you make with your husband if you are a new mother), they rediscovered Elmo.  While still nervous of him, she cautiously observed as he giggled and vibrated his way through the playroom. 

When he was finished doing his ‘thing’, she got brave, crept up to him and, using proper football technique, hoofed him as far as she could.  That’ll teach him.

And, of course, that got a full 5 minutes of roaring laughter from Anonymous Daddy.  And because this got laughter, it’s all she wants to do now.  “Tickle” Elmo and send him flying.  She even took him to daycare so she could kick Elmo all day.

Hiatus is over, kids

I’ve been a horrible mommy-blogger.  It’s been almost a week since I last posted.  Several reasons for this, not the least of which is that I didn’t remember to.  Whoopsies.  When you go 27 point 5 years without a blog, it’s easy to forget that you’ve got one.  By the way, did you know that WordPress’s spell check doesn’t recognize “blog” or “blogger” as real words?  They suggest I use “bog”, “blag”, or “biog” instead.  Ironic, no?  Also not a word?  WordPress and Whoopsies.  Who knew?

Where was I?  Oh, yes.  My short term memory loss relating to my blogblag.  There are literally drillions of blags floating throughout the world wide interweb, so for me to complain about everything that goes into maintaining a blag would be laughable.  If drillions can do it, there’s no excuse as to why I can’t.  I’m reasonably intelligent, have a fairly creative mind, a daughter that says and does blag-worthy things everyday, and I have a free forum through which to convey such things. 

But indulge me for just a moment.  I’ll be brief.  Not only does this blag put pressure on Eirinn to perform circus-like feats of hilarity on a regular basis, I also have to remember to document such events, take pictures, Photoshop these pictures so no one laughs at my ridiculously amateur photography skills, compose a post with humour, drama, mystery, and an introduction, character development, plot, climax, and an elaborately satisfying conclusion, press publish, proofread my published work (I’m the only one who proofreads after publishing?  hmmm…), edit for errors, grammatical and otherwise, re-publish, and pass out from exhaustion.  Lately I’ve been skipping all steps but the last one.

I’m going to get better.  I promise.  I started this blag with the intention of keeping friends and family abreast of Eirinn’s daily follies.  I continued this blag with enthusiasm when more than just friends and family started reading because I am all about the attention.  Love it.  I am totally flattered when I see that I get 50-130 visits in a day.  I don’t even know 50-130 people!  So that is uber-rad.  Starting today, I’m going to post more regularly.  Like I did, say, a week ago.  With pictures.  I’ve got a post in mind and I’ve mentally documented it and have began the post composition process.  Mentally. 

So please stay tuned.


In the meantime, for your reading pleasure, I present to you a conversation between Mommy, who will be played by myself, and The Evil Schizophrenic Spawn of Some Dastardly Villian, who will be played by Tornado Eirinn. 

Monday, 7:55 am

Mommy is innocently packing herself a banana to take to work for a snack.  Schizo Spawn sees the banana and, despite her already consuming two separate breakfasts in the span of a half an hour, demands in a tone only heard by dogs that she also have a banana.  NOW.

Mommy tells Schizo that she can pack a banana to take to daycare as a snack, but that they have to get ready to go because they’re running late.

Bad.  Move.

Full blown tantrum, body-trashing, arms punch the air, tears, screams, and demands ensue.  Because they’re running so late, Mommy tries to dodge fists and leg-kicks while dressing Schizo in a hat, mitts, winter coat and boots.  More than once, Mommy gets head-butted square in the jaw. 

“Mommy!!!!  I cwying!!!”

“I know you’re crying.  Do you know why you’re crying?”



You could hear the little hamster running on his little wheel inside her head.

Squeak.  Squeak.  Pause.  Squeeeeek.

“I stop cwying.  I happy now.”


Tornado Eirinn

The life and times, trials and tribulations, crimes and punishments, lessons learned and scores settled by my daughter, Eirinn, AKA The Tornado.

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When I Wrote

December 2007


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